How To Overcome Codependency

As we look at different ways codependency occur in our lives. We discover that codependency is very important because it takes two people to be involved pertaining to addictions. Normally one party is an enabler by supporting another person in their addiction to get high, use drugs, and marijuana when it comes to drug addictions.

On the other hand, when you try to control the person, you prevent them from learning how to trust God for themselves. In other words, people should not play God. You may very well be controlling the other person or indirectly playing God by controlling them. As a result, you will be in God’s way and block God from healing or delivering this person from his or her addictions. Even elderly people that depend on us. We shouldn’t take advantage of them because they need us and can no longer help themselves. But rather find out what they need and help them best you know how without enabling them.

Let’s look at some other definitions. Codependency is excessive emotional or psychological reliance on another person, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction. “The tie that binds most of us together in this trap called codependency.”

Quote: Some people require support and others demand it.

We need some people in our lives while others we want in our lives. But did God choose them, or did you make the choice of inviting someone who is more than you can handle. Sometimes when we give people a break for a season this proves that God can trust us to let them go for a while. So, God can work on them, and if God brings them back into your life under a healthy relationship condition. Thank God twice. But if they return with the same drama and worse off than before. You may want to pray and make sure you are on God’s path regarding relationships.

Chinese Proverb: When you let the butterfly go. If he comes back. It’s meant for that butterfly to stay in your life.

• But if you never let that butterfly, go, he will never know how to come back to take care of you if you need him in the future.

Codependency is the addiction of taking care of others at the cost of your own personal pleasure. The reason why this is unhealthy is because it slowly eats away your self-worth. You walk around waiting for people to tell you how you should feel.

Codependency says I will burn you out so that by the time you get around to doing something for yourself, you will not have time nor the energy to help yourself. Some people want legitimate help and others only want a handout. We have to know how to help others so that God get the glory.

There is a dominant person in a codependent relationship and there is a person that pacify the other person with demanding needs. Now it is okay to help people without crippling them. But let’s be mindful of not enabling the behavior of other people. When we enable people, we never allow that person to discover things they should being doing with their life. We have to seek ways on how to overcome codependency.

Sometimes, you may help a lot of people that may never help you. And that is because they made you the “(Go-To-Person)”. Don’t allow people to draw you into their mess and prevent you from preparing for your destiny because most of your time is spent baby-sitting them. When you love yourself, you will learn how to tell people NO that shouldn’t be wasting your time.

Ask Yourself: Where does it originate from or caused it?

• Childhood neglect. and childhood trauma…. unaddressed past traumas, domestic violence, neglect, family centered…
• Overprotective parenting. …
• Emotional and physical abuse. …
• Substance abuse.

What are the signs of a codependent person?

• Difficulty making decisions in a relationship.
• Identify others feelings and help them but have difficulty identifying your feelings so you neglect yourself.
• Valuing the approval of others more than valuing the opinion you have about yourself.
• Lacking confidence and trust in yourself and having poor self-esteem.

Again, don’t allow people to draw you into their mess and don’t help them stay in their mess. Be led by God and not your emotions.

What are some traits or signs of Codependent behavior?

• Don’t trade places with people in bondage.
• Do not feel responsible for solving problems for people that will cause you problems.
• Don’t be over friendly.
• Feeling used and underappreciated.
• Bitter and angry at people for not allowing you to help them.

Why do people suffer from Codependency?

• Trust the wrong people.
• Abusive Childhood experiences with people you trusted.
• Expectations not met by people you trust in relationships.

You become codependent when you have an unhealthy need to be needed. It’s a strong possibility that you may get hurt for having the wrong motives for helping others.

Childhood Experience

It’s the childhood experience you relive because of an unhealthy attachment you never healed from or received deliverance in. The children of Israel were set free from Pharoah but since they grew up in Egypt— they never healed from childhood abuse or healed from Pharoah’s abusive whip.

What can prevent you from overcoming codependency?

• Fear of hurting people feelings that have done you wrong over and over again.
• Not knowing how to say no to people who use and abuse you.
• Worrying about what people say.
• Afraid someone may leave you that you give more than they deserve to receive.

What type of self-talk do Codependent people have with themselves?

The self-talk you have with codependency goes like this. “(I Owe Everyone)”. This is deceptive thinking and not scriptural. But you forgot that you owe yourself and you owe God your life not other people. Jesus died for you not other people. The Bible talks about reasonable service and how to be a servant.

Romans 12:1-2 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Luke 17:8-10   Doth he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I trow not. ¹⁰ So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, we are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do. Sometimes there is a thin line between serving others and being codependent. Sometimes it starts off as the act of codependency. But later after you realize you keep getting the short end of the stick you can understand the difference between ministry and misery or God’s will verses being self-willed because you are control by other people will or you trying to control theirs.

Quote– People can give you a Network but no one can give you your Self-worth.

You have to work on raising your self-worth by going from being codependent to being dependent.

Wisdom: We have to work on having wisdom and not having an unhealthy need to be needy or want to control other people by helping them.

Stop trusting the wrong people. Because sometimes we trust people that God does not trust. We call them friend, brother and even spouse. But God did not assign them to our lives. We must seek ways on how to overcome codependency.

Some people we only attract by our emotional voids and emotional emptiness. Let’s ask God to heal us so we attract likeminded people. Someone we can enjoy without paying a severe unwanted emotional price.

Healing Self-Help Questions:

• Identify who you are codependent too?
• How does it show up in my relationships?
• Locate the history, how did this originate?

These are some questions to ask yourself?

1. Was it in childhood, teen life or young adulthood?

2. Was it in church, generationally, at home, school, etc.?

3. Was it with friends, spouse, etc.?

 How do we overcome codependency in our lives?

• Be honest with yourself.
• Break the cycle or generational cycle.
• Receive prayer at the altar for deliverance.
• Get filled with the HG.
• Speak in tongues every day.
• Make wiser choices about people you share your life with.
• Ask God to help you choose quality friends and not temporary traumas that turn into enemies.
• Don’t allow yourself to enable people that God is trying to heal, deliver and grow into a mature believer.

Because nobody can love you like Jesus and help you be a better person if you are willing to change your life for the best like Jesus can. Take your time and show God, you want Him to help you and not use other people God send your way.

Quote: Love yourself because nobody can love you like yourself.

 Tell that person you are codependent too…. I love you and hope you stay in my life.

• But my happiness comes first and whatever you bring is an extension of the love I give myself.
• And should only complement the love I already give myself.
• Because I refuse to be codependent.

Quote: You can never change what you won’t take responsibility for.

Prayer: Lord help me overcome myself, other people and the desires of my flesh that lead me to led by my emotions rather than be led by the holy spirit. Deliver me from situations I find myself being a victim to codependency. Keep me and help me guard my heart and have wisdom regarding relationships that set me up for failure. In Jesus name. Amen.